Elon Musk is president, apparently
Probable government shutdown + the products that actually improved my life this year
Welcome back to Hot Tip! I had to report for jury duty this morning, and not the fun kind where a bunch of people trick me into thinking we’re on a jury but I’m actually just becoming a beloved television star.
I was dismissed after one hour and then went for a breakfast burrito. Hot tip: It pays to do your civic duty, I guess. In this case, fifteen whole dollars.
World’s richest man a bad person, shockingly. A bipartisan spending bill was all set to be passed by Congress to fund the government through mid-March — until Elon Musk tweeted more than 150 times that he didn’t like it, which does make me wonder what Elon’s screen time report looks like (Daily time spent being a dickwad: 13 hours, 49 min. 6 hours above average.)
Here’s where we’re at: Trump then agreed with Elon, the bill died, and now GOP members are turning on random white man/House Speaker Mike Johnson, who mere weeks ago was happily lurking behind these dudes like that weird second cousin you didn’t think would actually show up to the wedding.
Late this afternoon Trump truthed (idk what the verb for Truth Social is, and I don’t care) that the GOP had put together a different deal their members should support, but 1) he’s not the president right now and 2) it failed.
To add to the chaos, some House members are even floating the idea of replacing Johnson with Elon Musk (apparently the House Speaker doesn’t have to be a member of the House?), though I doubt Musk would take the job as that would seriously get in the way of his time spent inseminating women and designing trucks for men who are thinking about starting a podcast.
In the meantime, if the government does shut down, that means civil servants and TSA agents and active duty troops (etc.) will all be without their checks this holiday season because a man worth more than 400 billion dollars wants to play god, and Trump is busy playing golf; Also, he’s haunting both my sleeping and waking moments with this hat hair look from yesterday.
Hot tip: If I seem mad, it’s because I am! And if I get arrested for saying so come 2025, make sure my DVD collection gets to my niece and nephew. My legacy is owning Amanda Bynes’ entire filmography.
Do me a favor and read this New York Times obituary on a nun who joined the FBI as a special agent in 1972. And give her a tv show. And let me write on it.
MacKenzie Scott donated $2 billion to nearly 200 charitable organizations this year while her ex-husband Jeff Bezos saved himself $1 billion in taxes by moving to Florida, and I think the lesson is clear: Billionaires should only be women.
How Does My Divorce Make You Feel? This piece in The Cut by Dr. Lilly Jay (whose divorce was made painfully public) is a quick read and incredibly profound.
Trump apparently pitched Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on the US annexing Canada as the 51st state, a cute lil sneak peek into 2025 foreign policy. Kylie Kelce’s new podcast unseated Joe Rogan’s as number one and it’s the first time since Beyonce’s halftime show I’ve cared about football. Nick Jonas tweeted support for Elon Musk and now I need to Eternal Sunshine all the Jonas Brothers lyrics from my brain.
The fed cut interest rates but plans to make fewer cuts in 2025, so we all should reward ourselves with a little treat now (kidding… I was going to anyway.) And remember murder hornets? Well, you don’t have to — they’ve been eradicated in the US, though they may just be vacationing in Europe. And who could blame them?
Billie Eilish is back for her eighth year of the Vanity Fair interview and we might as well just make October 18 (the day it’s filmed every year) a national holiday at this point.
And finally, another Hot Tip guide because I love what I love and I think you will, too!
Thanks for reading, pals! Remember: Elon Musk sucks! More soon. -xo, Al
Elon musk has gone from hero to villain in a heartbeat. We thought he was going to make us greener and rediscover our love of all things space...and then something went wrong with his meds and he has now turned into some weird Drax supervillain.
I thought those James Bond storylines were fictional not foretelling.
“Dear Donald Trump, your malfeasance is no longer shocking, but it remains deeply revolting. You campaigned as a champion of the forgotten man, but your actions scream betrayal. You’re not a leader; you’re a masquerading fraud, content to bask in the reflected glow of Elon Musk’s wealth and influence while abandoning the very people who believed in you.”
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ELON MUSK’S PUPPET PRESIDENT: HOW TRUMP BECAME A BILLIONAIRE’S MARIONETTE AT AMERICA’S EXPENSE
When a ruthless tech mogul pulls the strings and a so-called populist bows down, America spirals into chaos—leaving red-state voters to pay the price.
https://patricemersault.substack.com/p/elon-musks-puppet-president-how-trump