It's the most chaotic time of the year

With everyone telling you be of good cheer, but you just don't feel like it

This is Is Anyone Listening and I’m begging ya to wear your masks again, please! I may be screaming into the void, but if you’re reading this it means you’re here too, so thanks!

Stop! Runoff time.

The day hath finally arrived!

Incumbent Senator and capable human Rev. Raphael Warnock faces off today in a Senate race that may not tip the scales in the Senate (the Dems already won control), but will still have a huge impact. Just don’t ask his opponent Herschel Walker what he’s running for; he seems to think it’s the House.

To my dear, beloved home state of Georgia: Don’t let this guy go to Washington. He lives in Texas, anyway.

Acyn @Acyn

Walker: Well, what's sad is they're always trying to mislead people. That's the same as you listening to the Obama talking about I'm talking about vampires and werewolves.. why don't they tell the whole story?

The village has too many idiots:

How could I pick just one?

• The Supreme Court appears poised to rule in favor of a homophobic graphic designer in Colorado who doesn’t want to create websites for same-sex weddings. I’ve got news for you, babe: they don’t want you to create their websites, either.

• Tens of thousands are without power in Moore County, North Carolina after an intentional gunfire attack on electric substations. You know what they say: the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good electrical substation with a gun. (Editor’s note: Get rid of all the guns, please.)

• The Tampa police chief resigned after video captured her asking to be let go from a traffic stop because of who she was. She even tried to bribe the deputy by giving him her business card and saying, “If you ever need anything, call me. Seriously.” That’s about as subtle as my spray tan at prom 2011.

• Herschel Walker has an important message for voters heading to the polls: “I don’t even know what the heck is a pronoun.” The first Senate candidate to ever admit he has never heard of grammar: Brave.

  

• Rudy Giuliani was the first witness in his own attorney misconduct hearing in D.C. this week for his attempts to nullify Pennsylvania’s election results in 2020. He could ultimately be disbarred — so stay tuned for the impending press conference from Hilton Total Housecleaning.

And a side of potatoes:

Everyone needs news starch, too.

• HBO and Discovery’s merged streaming platform is expected to be called “Max,” in a decision sure to confuse golden retrievers everywhere.

• If you’ve got a Kanye West tattoo you’re regretting, there’s a studio in London that will remove it for free. Tattoo removal can cost thousands of dollars anyway, and at least this way you get a vacation out of it.

• Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes have been temporarily booted from the 27th hour of Good Morning America (fine, third) for being a “distraction.” Uh, yeah, we needed that. Have you seen the world lately? Trump is cozying up to neo-Nazis and Holocaust deniers. Give us the soap opera workplace romance.

• An 80-foot-long “mysterious object” is protruding through the sand in Daytona Beach Shores, in case you were worried Florida couldn’t be more cursed. I think we know what to do.

  

Non-Amazon stocking stuffers:

If you’re feeling turned off by billionaires right now, I get it. Buy holiday gifts from these rockstar smaller businesses instead (I am not sponsored by any of these products but welcome any and all offers):

• P.F. Candle Co. — the absolute best scents from right here in sunny Los Angeles.

• Old Whaling Company — amazing bath and body products that ship faster than the end of this sentence.

• Compartés chocolate — delicious and the adorable wrappers look like a present.

• Sarah Day Arts — a Jewish jewelry designer with super cute Judaica pieces as well as other fun jewelry and accessories!

• Food Huggers — for the sustainability lover in your life, or the person who hates brown avocado halves.

• Your local bookstore! I’m telling you this now, roughly two weeks before presents need to be wrapped and ready. You have no excuses.

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That’s all I’ve got! Enjoy your Christmas movies and bake some cookies. Love, Alex