Let Andy Cohen Drink in 2023
And for goodness sake: let Anderson Cooper giggle
Happy New Year and welcome back to Is Anyone Listening? Sorry for the delay — I was on vacation and this publication is free.
Never Been Kevin-ed:
A right-wing group of Republican wackos in the House of Representatives are standing between Kevin McCarthy and the job he’s been doodling about in his congressional notebook for years — House Speaker.
The brilliant name they’ve chosen for themselves? The “Never Kevins.” Quite a missed opportunity for the McCan’t-thys if you ask me. And what do they want? To make it easier to boot him from the position, among other things. There are nine reps currently waiting to be wooed (including Matt Gaetz who was once under investigation for sex trafficking, a fact I wanted to mention because I can), and Kevin can only lose four.
Mr. Santos Goes To Washington:
There’s lying on your resume, and then there’s what George Santos did, which is fabricate your entire existence and then successfully run for office. The Republican New York congressman-elect is set to show up to D.C. tomorrow after having run as a Wall Street big shot and Jewish descendant of Holocaust survivors.
Now, he says he is “Jew-ish” (a declaration this Jew finds hilarious and ultimately, quite Jewish) and Citigroup and Goldman Sachs — where he claimed he worked — say they’ve never heard of him.
Santos is already under investigation and will definitely face ethics investigations once he gets to our nation’s capital, but will likely be sworn in beforehand. But hey, if the bar is Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene, I’m not altogether shocked.
What makes this countdown different from all other countdowns?
Eagle-eyed viewers probably noticed a difference in CNN’s New Years 2023 Broadcast from last year — as did anyone with a pulse. Alas, after a booze-fueled rant against outgoing NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio last year, Andy Cohen (and perfect co-host Anderson Cooper who did nothing wrong) were restricted from imbibing this year by the network.
CNN’s new head honcho Chris Licht is reportedly behind the change, worried too much on-camera drinking may “erode credibility” for the news network that has so many panelists you had to buy a bigger TV . Uh — hate to break it to you, Chris — but methinks it may be a bit late for this.
What Would Thanos Do:
Well, we know the answer to that question.
But since that’s definitely not the answer, what do we do about what scientists are calling the sixth mass extinction, on a scale not seen since the dinosaurs?
Biologist Paul Ehrlich says we would need “five more earths” to sustain human life at the rate we are currently expending resources. So what is the solution? Stopping deforestation. In Mexico, ecologist Gerardo Ceballos is hard at work to prove this is the best way to save earth, offering money to farmers to save the land, rather than use it. They pay the farmers with the help of wealthy donors. That means fewer joyrides to space and purchases of social media companies for no good reason in 2023, billionaires.
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And Now, Some Trends I Hope Die in 2023:
Buccal fat removal. That’s right, celebrities are simply removing their cheeks in the latest bid to convince us the trick to beauty is water and sleep.
Showing up to parties coughing, assuring everyone it’s “not Covid!” I still don’t want whatever it is, thanks!
The Supreme Court slashing our human rights with a machete.
Making new kinds of beverages out of yet-to-be-milked nuts. I don’t need pistachio milk — I need a job with health insurance.
Referring to “millennials” when talking about youth. While some of us are still in our 20’s (I’m 29 for six more months, let me live) many millennials are now in their 40s. If you’re mad about something young people are doing, it’s probably Gen Z.
Being mad about things young people are doing. They’re politically engaged and probably our only hope to stop climate change. I no longer care what they think of my side part.
Clothing that is uncomfortable. Whether it’s a crop top or a sweater so long it doubles as a broom, I just don’t want to wear anything that I wouldn’t want to eat a bowl of spaghetti in anymore.
Judging people for where they’re at and where they come from. Working 15-hour days? Unemployed? Nepo baby? First generation college student? Good for you. I only care if you’re happy and healthy.
And Also, My Favorites of 2022:
If you haven’t already, check them out—
Bad Sisters. Hands down my favorite show of 2022 and a better whodunnit than most whodunnits. Sharon Horgan is on my vision board, and this is why.
The Menu. My favorite movie from 2022. It’s gory, so cover your eyes if you can’t handle it, but it is the freshest and most fun take I’ve seen in a theatre in a long time.
Brett Goldstein. Idk what category he falls into, it might just be favorite favorite.
Twin Flames. My favorite podcast from 2022. It’s a bananas cult story that I devoured in a day.
Unfortunately not a huge consumer of books, but that is my 2023 resolution. So for reading, I would simply recommend doing it.
That’s all I have for today! I promise I’ll be back again soon. Enjoy your leftovers, I don’t care if it’s January 2 and your resolution is to eat healthier. Time is a construct and mac and cheese is delicious. xo, Alex