Reclaiming patriotism + stolen cheddar
Two visions for America and one week of hell
Welcome back to Hot Tip, the newsletter for 30-somethings who believe in their souls that 1993 was twenty years ago.
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Hot ticket. We’re just a week out from Election Day and Kamala Harris gave her closing argument speech in front of a crowd of ~roughly~ 75,000 people this evening at The Ellipse in D.C., aka the site of a lil something else you may recall, namely the January 6th insurrection. The backdrop was both idyllic and intentional: The White House, flags, and “USA” banners behind her, and not one broken window, stolen lectern, or hanging gallows for Mike Pence. I typically reserve my red, white, and blue for The Olympics or a 4th of July hot dog at the most, but Harris’ team did all this for a reason: they want the veep — and by extension, the Dems — to reclaim the idea of patriotism from the clutches of the GOP and rebrand it.
Making it less embarrassing to be American? Okay, I’ll bite.
The night is dark and full of terrors and so is Madison Square Garden. Meanwhile, Trump rambled tonight in Allentown, Pennsylvania, a majority Hispanic and Latino city and Democratic stronghold, after his Nazi Coachella backfired so badly that even Trump’s biggest supporters have had to come out and say, wait, hold on, we’re not THAT racist. (They are.)
Quick recap: Self-described “comedian” Tony Hinchcliffe disparaged African Americans, Palestinians, Jews, and Puerto Ricans in his opening remarks at Madison Square Garden (he calls them jokes, but let’s be real, it’s just hate speech) and it went so badly that the 34-count convicted felon, Jeffrey Epstein pal, and Hannibal Lecter-obsessed Trump had to say he “doesn’t know” Hinchcliffe.
I don’t care to cover any of the other racist, nativist, insane commentary from the MAGA event, other than the glorious fallout. Bad Bunny endorsed Harris. Puerto Rico’s largest newspaper endorsed Harris. Jennifer Lopez endorsed and is appearing with Harris in Nevada on Thursday. And hottest tip: there are almost half a million Puerto Ricans in Pennsylvania alone.
No more than a feeling. On Monday’s episode of “The Daily,” the Republican party chairman in Maricopa County, AZ insisted the 2020 election was stolen…without evidence: “My intuition tells me that Trump won Arizona. Do I have proof of that? No.” Similarly, my intuition tells me that Jake Gyllenhaal’s loving response to my letter to him in 2007 was stolen by a jealous postman, and that’s why we aren’t married now. Do I have proof of that? No. But apparently I no longer need it in order to say it!
Stopping stopping the steal? In other signs of a well-functioning democracy, ballot boxes were set on fire in Washington and Oregon this week, damaging hundreds of ballots. Aw, they’re working so hard to “stop the steal” of the election by…well, who’s gonna tell them?
(Anyone who dropped off a ballot in the Vancouver, Washington box after 11 a.m. on Saturday should contact the elections division at 564-397-2345 or elections@clark.wa.gov)
How to talk to undecided voters. If you still know anyone who needs convincing that Kamala Harris and Tim Walz are the right way to go,
wrote an excellent guide here on Substack broken down by subjects. Thank her, and use it.
Be Stalin my heart. Do we think she included that adoring line in her wedding vows? “To have and to hold and to not be Hitler.” I may be single, but at least I’m not out there having to explain to anyone that the guy I’m with is “not Hitler.”
(Also: Trump is Hitler, just dumber.)
Loud white men for Kamala. After Will & Harper I didn’t think there was anything that Will Ferrell could do to win me over more (if you haven’t already watched it, now is the perfect time) but here he is, winning me over once again, with louder, whiter man Billy Eichner by his side.
Call me by his name. Timothée Chalamet showed up at a lookalike contest for himself in Washington Square Park and by announcing himself missed an opportunity to easily win it.
Lots of cheddar. An actual cheese heist took place in the UK this week, with nearly 1,000 wheels worth roughly $400k stolen from three artisan suppliers who are now asking the public to look out for fancy cheese sold at a low price. (And if you get a tip, also tell me, for no reason, just curious.)
Rih-cess therapy. Who is the celebrity in this interview? Rihanna or Miles? The answer is yes.
Coming later this week… Updates from my Second Annual Meg Ryan Cookie Party™ + more news and giggles, obviously.
Reminder to vote ASAP!!!! Early is better, but anytime by November 5 is best! Here’s a list of states that allow same-day voter registration.
And thanks, as always, for reading. Please like, share, subscribe, forward, print out, frame, hang on your wall, tear it up, burn it, whatever floats your boat.