The rules were that you guys weren't going to fact check
The rules were that you guys weren't going to fact check
And other direct quotes keeping me up at night
Hot Tip is growing + thanks you for reading! Hottest tip: If you forward this email to a friend or enemy, you’ll be entered into a contest to win my eternal affection.
The Jews are out of office. Rosh Hashanah (aka the Jewish New Year) started Thursday, so spare your Jewish colleagues the unnecessary emails, lest we get looks from the rabbi as our phone buzzes in our pocket throughout services. Unless it’s this rabbi, whose attention I would gladly take:
JD Vance hates facts and women. In this week’s VP debate, Trump’s handpicked running mate took issue with being called out for lying about Haitian migrants in his state who are legally here with protected status, and uttered ten words that I hope go into the history books:
JD Vance: A narc and a liar. Also, his solution to school shootings? “Better doors.” Doors have yet to respond to the allegation they are to blame.
Vance may have sounded smooth compared to his running mate who screamed about eating dogs, but make no mistake: he’s a slimeball who wants to normalize Project 2025’s agenda. Mostly even-tempered and polite doesn’t mean he isn’t also evil.
“My pro tip of the day is this, if you need heart surgery, listen to the people at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, not Donald Trump.”
- Tim Walz, America’s new dad (sorry, Tom Hanks)
The debate was surprisingly civil given what we’ve gotten used to over the past decade in America. But Tim Walz had the answers of the night on guns (“sometimes it just is the guns”), abortion (“we trust women”), and health care (hard to sum up in a catchy quote, but do read about it).
It was a big week for Coach Walz. He also met a cat named Pumpkin, who appeared to endorse the Harris-Walz ticket.
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“If you had one day, like one real, rough, nasty day with the drugstores as an example…if you had one really violent day…one rough hour, and I mean real rough, the word will get out, and it will end immediately.”
- Donald Trump, seemingly proposing a purge to end the shoplifting of toothpaste from Walgreens
Yes, it’s funny. But also it’s terrifying because he’s absolutely serious. A campaign official said he was “clearly just floating it in jest,” but I tend to think jest is more reserved for whoopee cushions than state-sanctioned violence.
In other presidential news, Jimmy Carter turned 100 this week, and the emergency obituary I helped produce for him five years ago remains shelved (to be clear, I’m glad!) I know it sounds like it’s a poor-taste joke, but all news orgs write them ahead of time, just to be ready. Read more about pre-written obituaries here — it’s quite interesting!
Carter is the first president to ever reach a century and hopes to vote for Kamala Harris next month. You can read about his tips to a long life here.
Georgia and Melania on my mind. A judge in Georgia struck down the state’s six-week abortion ban and said that women alone “should choose whether they serve as human incubators for the five months leading up to viability.” Okay — we stan? Another bop from the ruling? “Women are not some piece of collectively owned community property the disposition of which is decided by majority vote.” And the best part is: Our boy Robert McBurney was appointed by a Republican governor in 2012.
Melania Trump is busy promoting her new memoir and is also using the moment to declare herself in favor of a woman’s right to choose. My best guess? She lifted that section of her book from a Kamala speech.
Tell me when. Residue of the world’s oldest cheese was recently exhumed from a 3,500-year-old tomb in China, which sounds like the beginning of a haunting Nicholas Cage movie I would definitely watch.
Quick tips:
Italy and Switzerland agreed to adjust their border because glaciers marking the boundary are melting.
Abbott Elementary is doing a crossover episode with It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (“The Gang Crashes A School Bus?”)
Saturday Night (the movie about Saturday Night Live) thrilled me to my core, and Saturday Night Live (the show the movie Saturday Night is based on) cast their Democrats for Season 50.
As Queen Clarice Renaldi once taught Princess Mia Thermopolis to say: Thank you for being here today. Check back next week for more hot tips <3
